Friday, September 12, 2008

the uncertain is always a bit confusing...

This week has been a tough one.  I'm pretty sure it's hormone related.  But how do you know for sure?  I think I have been a slave to my wavering hormones most of my life.  Now that I have had my hysterectomy and am not able to take any type of hormones, my body gets to do its own thing....whatever that may be!

Before my surgery I was given progesterone for three days.  It did not go well.   Let's just say I wouldn't revisit that pill.  For anything!  

One of my biggest downfalls, faults, whatever you want to call it, is not fully studying or learning the effects all these different hormones play in my body.  One doctor told me I should have enough estrogen in me to last a lifetime.  I don't know if he was joking or not, and I didn't ask.

But back to this week.  I hear insults where I think there may be none.  I know I am misinterpreting things a LOT.  I cry at the drop of a hat.  And if there is any amount of stress attached to any event in my life it is like pulling teeth to get me to do it.  It's no secret that I don't love my current job.  Today was so bad that I called and said I would be an hour late coming in.  On the drive there I started crying uncontrollably and literally got off the freeway, turned around and went home.  I had to go in later because I was the only person to cover the shift.  I just went in for the last part -- when I absolutely had to be there.  I drove into the parking lot and sat in my car and cried.  Huge tears streaming down my face for about five minutes.  It was all I could do to open the car door and get out.  I know this is a huge message and I get it.  But it's not so easy at this point and time, for a myriad of reasons.  So I do have a plan and I am signing up for a class that will help me change careers.  But that's another six months at this job and I don't know if I or my hormones can last that long.

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