I can't imagine that I'm the only one who feels this way but a funny thing happened when I lost my uterus. I found myself. In so many ways I love the new old me. It's as if the me that was always there is finally uncovered, allowed to peek through, to see the light of day. And it's glorious. But more about that later.
Today I am having a tough day. I fell in love last year. Fell deeply in love with a man who deserves a good life. I found that I deserved a good life too. And while I thought I knew what I wanted I am finding surprises around every corner.
For years the older I got the more I was pretty sure I did not want to have children. I felt that it was something I had wanted when I was younger. That I didn't want to spend my older years worrying about my teenagers.
The funny thing is...I woke up the other day and knew that I should have had children. I recognized the fear that had held me back all these years. And I wondered what else I have been afraid of that I haven't been brave enough to see yet.
And as I sleep next to the man I have fallen in love with I grieve for what we will never have.
Today I am having a tough day. I fell in love last year. Fell deeply in love with a man who deserves a good life. I found that I deserved a good life too. And while I thought I knew what I wanted I am finding surprises around every corner.
For years the older I got the more I was pretty sure I did not want to have children. I felt that it was something I had wanted when I was younger. That I didn't want to spend my older years worrying about my teenagers.
The funny thing is...I woke up the other day and knew that I should have had children. I recognized the fear that had held me back all these years. And I wondered what else I have been afraid of that I haven't been brave enough to see yet.
And as I sleep next to the man I have fallen in love with I grieve for what we will never have.
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